To homeschool or not to homeschool?

If you think I’m going to tell you whether or not you should homeschool your kids on this Parent Minute broadcast, you’re crazy. Some have criticized me previously for demonizing homeschool education. Others have written in asking if I thought they were abusing their kids because they sent their kids to public schools. Here’s where I hope we can re…read more

I can’t believe it. My child’s a bully.

I know—you’ve raised your kids in a Christian home. You’ve talked to them about treating others like you’d want to be treated, but you get the report from the child’s principal, and you’re floored. I can only imagine the embarrassment. Don’t worry, Mom. It’s okay. They’re young. You can turn this around. First, realize this: maybe your son or daughter has just started to realize that they can use their size to get what they want. Help them realize that’s sin. It’s wrong. Read Bible verses about humility and the fruits of the Spirit. And then help them realize they need to ask those they’ve bullied for forgiveness. Bullying happens at all levels of society. Let’s help our kids understand it, confess it, and correct it.

College is NOT for everybody.

College debt is unbelievable. Do you realize that the average college graduate is starting their career with more than $37,000 worth of debt? And, upon graduation, a lot of them won’t even be able to pay off that debt because of low-paying jobs. While education is a great thing and I totally endorse it, it’s not for everybody. Some young people can fix things, build things, or make things look better—so trade school is better for them. Or, maybe they love caring for people and they can receive training in adult care. Don’t be discouraged if Harvard or even the local college isn’t in the cards for our son or daughter. Encourage them in their gifts. Pray. God has a plan and, with a little help, they’ll figure it out. Based on 2016 data from Mark Kantrowitz, expert on student financial aid/scholarships/loans

“She’s just like you!” Yeah—isn’t that cool?

Many people say my youngest daughter and I are a lot alike. I’m not sure why, but we’re the kind of people who tell it like it is. You don’t typically have to try to figure out what we’re thinking. And, if you ask for our opinion, we’re going to give it to you. You may not like it, but at least you’ll know. While my first reaction to the comment is to smile, it quickly turns to concern because I know she’s going hurt people’s feelings. (I sure have!) Proverbs 15:1 says, “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (ESV). This is something that’s not only going to help in everyday relationships, but family relationships, too. It’s something I have to work on. The truth in love is always preferred. Scripture quotations marked (ESV) are from the ESV® Bible (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved. May not copy or download more than 500 consecutive verses of the ESV Bible or more than one half of any book of the ESV Bible.

At least I don’t need a massage.

That’s what I said as I stood up from my seat on an airplane recently. The three-or-so-year-old little boy sitting behind me decided to be an annoying little troublemaker on my flight from Grand Rapids to Chicago. I wish I could tell you I was patient—I wasn’t. Frustrated, actually. Dad was calmly saying, “Now stop that. Don’t kick the seat. The man isn’t liking you right now.” Then Dad offers him a bagel. “I TOLD YOU I DON’T LIKE BAGELS,” he said. What do you do when a strong-willed child “goes off”? Sometimes there’s not much you can do, but, when one of my kids threw a fit in a public place, the first thing I said was, “Sorry”—then took them to the bathroom. Sometimes stern conversation or other disciplinary action was required. Whatever you do, do it in private and do it in love.

My adult kids are just NOT living for the Lord.

This is tough. There’s nothing more heartbreaking than watching your adult kids fail spiritually. I know first-hand. You feel like a failure, even though you KNOW it’s not your fault. Many of us believe our kids are saved, but just have fallen away. Perhaps, though, we should start treating them and praying for them as we do non-Christians. As we witness to our unsaved friends, we’re not constantly pointing out the sin in their lives. The best way we can lead them to the Savior is to love them. That doesn’t mean condone their behavior—but love them unconditionally. That kind of love is irresistible. If it doesn’t lead your kids back right away, maybe God will deliver your grandkids.

Why can’t I get good grades like Cassie?

Sibling rivalry can be debilitating for kids. They’re constantly reminded by their perceived failure at every report card or sporting event. Frankly, it can be difficult for parents, too. What do I mean? I know a family who has three boys. The first two were top of their class scholastically. But their youngest wasn’t—but excelled on the basketball court and the baseball field. Mom and Dad were beside themselves why Junior didn’t ace every class. Parents, we should never compare our kids. Each one isn’t only unique in appearance and attitude, but in intellect and drive. The way we handle these uniquenesses can be the difference in either encouraging our kids or crushing them. Parents, your testimony as Mom or Dad can point your kids to Christ, or push them away.

Turn to the Old Testament book of...Hezekiah?

There are a lot of kids out there who don’t know anything about the Bible. Guess what? There are a lot of church kids who don’t know anything about the Bible, either. The reason? First, since the United States is now a post-Christian nation not very many adults are even talking about basic Bible stories. Secondly, many Christian parents are so busy they’re not taking the time to spend time in the Word as a family. And, thirdly, kids are being lured away from the Word by computer games and new media. What’s the answer? Reengage. Spend some time as a family reading the Bible. Too daunting? Download the new Keys for Kids mobile app that will help you lead family devotions.

Kids are suffering. How do you help your kids pray?

A lot of us want to protect our kids from the tragedies of life. It’s hard watching our kids process bad news for the first time. “Can flooding happen here? Are we going to have a hurricane?” You’re going have to adapt your response depending on where you live, perhaps, but the reality is we need to be honest and remind our kids that only God knows the number of our days. Disasters and tragedies can happen anywhere. The question is: are we helping our kids process it when it does, or insulating them from thinking about it? Bad things do happen to good people. But God can use the bad to make something good.

You’re not wearing those shoes—they have holes in them!

When have you EVER heard THAT come out of your child’s mouth? Believe it or not, a friend of mine posted a picture of some tattered gym shoes with the following: “So, parents...say you have a son who’s in 3rd grade who has a ton of shoes but has one pair that he absolutely loves. That pair is totally beat up. But he gets irrationally upset at the thought of not being able to wear them to school, to the point where he’s crying and throwing a fit. Do you let him wear them?” The answer? Yes and no. If you’re saying no because it “looks bad,” then yes—let him wear them. Now, if your son is just doing it to be disobedient and it’s a pattern of misbehavior, then no. See? Worn-out shoes can be lessons for kids AND adults.

Why are you hanging out with adults?

That’s a frequent question my daughter gets when her friends discover how much time she’s spending with adults. Why does she do it? First, she seems to enjoy the attention these ladies give her. Secondly, a few of these gals are mentors—providing wisdom she can’t get from any teenager. And, thirdly, I think she values them as sounding boards. Fortunately, all of her adult friends are close friends of ours—so they keep us in the loop if needed. The downside is sometimes she tends to value their opinions over ours. If your son or daughter is spending a ton of time with an adult, make sure you know them well. Communicate with them regularly. And, make sure these adults are helping and not hurting.

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