Men, put on your big-boy pants.
What’s your family makeup like? Does Dad lead the home, or is it Mom? There are some jokes out there that men like to tell: “I always get the last word in my family—yes, dear.” Or, “I’m the head of our household, but my wife’s the neck that turns it.” Or, “I wear the pants in our family, but my wife tells me which ones to wear.” Guys, have you ever thought that the only reason that’s the case is because we’re lazy, and they’re picking up the slack for our apathy? We need to be MORE involved in our family’s lives. We can’t be afraid of conflict—we’ve got to be Ephesians 5:23 leaders. If we abandon our responsibility, how will our kids see what God intends for our families?
I need to distract my grandkids.
We’ve been talking about our grandkids the last couple of days. Many grandparents struggle with how to distract their grandkids from their smartphones or mobile devices. Games and mobile interaction are a distraction for our grandkids. Bribes work for a while. Having rules about where you can and can’t use them are important—like no electronics at the dinner table or other together time. But, you can also introduce them to games you used to play, like checkers or chess on a game board, may intrigue this new generation. Or, digging out an old toy—something that will prick their interest. As you do, you’re creating memories that will last a lifetime—maybe even life-changing discussions. They may not appreciate it now, but they will.
My grandkids are rolling their eyes again.
Yesterday I mentioned that, according to Barna research, 70% of our kids are dropping out of church when they graduate from high school. While many return, many don’t. As they get married and our grandkids are born and grow, how do we share Christ in a hostile environment? We were talking about sharing Christ with the little ones yesterday, which is easier. Teenagers are another story. You’ve got to talk to them by example and through subtle words. As opportunities come up say things like, “Isn’t it amazing how God’s creation shows who He is?” Or, “I’ll be praying God helps you recall what you’ve learned during your test tomorrow.” While they may roll their eyes, sometimes the little things we say can provide opportunities for longer discussions. Share the Unlocked teen devotional with teens in your life: https://unlocked.org
Speaking truth to our grandkids?
Some of the most heartbreaking stories I hear are about kids who abandon the faith. According to Barna research, about 70% of young people drop out of the church once they graduate from high school. While it’s troubling, I don’t have time to dive into that statistic today, but I do want to talk about how we as grandparents can talk to their kids—our grandkids—about Christ. Sometimes it’s difficult. But it’s a lot easier when they’re young. When they’re visiting, read Keys for Kids devotional stories or stories from Scripture. When you see sin, point it out as such and explain how God views it and what our response should be. 1 Peter 3 says always be ready to share Christ with gentleness and respect. Read the Keys for Kids devotional with your family: https://www.keysforkids.org/devotional
Do we point out our own failures?
The only thing worse than public failure is failure in front of our kids. Question, Mom or Dad—do we admit when we’re wrong in FRONT of our kids? When we don’t, it seems like we’re teaching our kids that we don’t have to admit our failures. And, ultimately, are we telling them that we don’t have to confess our sins? Well, daily we see individuals who clearly make mistakes, but either blame others or their circumstances, rather than themselves. Proverbs 28:13 is clear: “Whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy” (ESV). When we humble ourselves in front of our kids, confessing faults becomes normal, which provides us as parents opportunities to speak salvation’s message to our kids.
They’re just NOT responsible.
Do you know the easiest way for a kid to start feeling responsible? Get them a dog! Actually, any pet will do (although I’m not sure about fish). Taking care of an animal has built-in responsibility builders. If they don’t take care of their pet, their pet’s not going to survive. Many of us don’t give our kids enough responsibilities. Chores for an allowance or everyday responsibilities can be just the ticket for building character in our kids. And, if money is involved, we need to make sure that we’re teaching them how to give back to God and to save, an area I struggled in when raising my kids. How do you do it? Share your successes with us at ParentMinute.org. Iron sharpening iron is a great way to build up the body of Christ.
They want stuff ALL the time.
There are a lot of kids these days who just don’t feel like working. A lot of times we as parents enable their lackadaisical attitudes. Many of us want more for our kids than we had, so we go overboard and give them everything they want, thinking we’re doing them a favor. Do you remember when you earned enough money to buy that thing you wanted so badly? For me it was a 10-speed bike, a high-powered stereo system, and my first car. When was the last time we made our kids earn and save money to get what they wanted? In an “I-want-it-now” culture, patiently waiting for the money to add up isn’t easy. Forcing them to stick to it will teach them lessons for a lifetime.
Are our expectations too high?
We all want what’s best for our kids. Academically, we know that they need to do well in school to get into college. If they don’t learn early how to apply themselves, how are they going to do it when it’s important? But are we expecting too much of our kids? There are some families who demand all A's on their kids’ report cards. What if that’s impossible for our son or daughter? I was a student who didn’t fail algebra, but the only thing I really understood was how to spell it. No matter how hard I tried, it just didn’t come to me. But I could write. It came easy for me, especially after spell-check was invented. Bottom line: we need to keep our expectations in line with reality—then celebrate the successes.
Are our kids feeling defeated?
Yesterday, I finished by talking about a son or daughter who’s always losing in a competitive household. That’s tough. It can be defeating, and it can really hurt a child’s self-esteem. How do we help our kids deal with that? The first thing is we’ve got to find something they excel in. Maybe they’re not athletic, but they thrive scholastically. Or maybe they’re challenged in both of those areas, but they show promise as a chef. Or maybe they’re just good at fixing things, and you can highlight that. It’s important that you don’t let your son or daughter who seems to always win, though, rub it in. Help them become humble and courteous winners, pointing out that at any moment their gift can be taken away.
I hate losing!
Are you competitive? I sure am. I take Philippians 3:14 to heart: “I press toward the goal for the prize” (NKJV). Everything’s a competition for me. It’s frustrating for many, I’m sure. I remember when I was a kid, I’d be playing a game with my mom, dad, or even my grandpa. I’d get so mad when I lost, I’d cry! Do you have kids like that? Does it drive you crazy? Suggestion: don’t completely stifle that competitive nature. You can use it as motivation. Some kids thrive on it. Homework: who can do theirs the best? Chores: who can get their work done first? Or who can be the nicest today? But if you have a kid who’s always losing, this could be defeating. We’ll talk about them tomorrow.