A parent makes a request
A few weeks ago, somebody asked me to talk about parenting special needs kids. I turned to Abilities.com for a little bit of help. I found twenty things parents of special needs kids need to hear. Here are the final five:* 16. “Don’t let typical parents get you down.” When you hear parents of able-bodied kids making progress and yours aren’t, it’s easy to feel discouraged. 17. “Don’t compare” your kids to others—“your child is unique.” 18. “You don’t have to be” the creative parent. Let others slave over the Christmas cookies for school. 19. “Make time for your marriage.” Some marriages in these situations end in divorce. 20. “Trust your instincts.” Sometimes you know better than the doctors. *This Parent Minute series is based on “20 Things Every Parent of Kids with Special Needs Should Hear” by Dr. Darla Clayton, Psy.D., Abilities.com
Special needs kids’ parents: you need to hear this.
We’re tackling five more things parents of special needs kids need to hear while raising their kids.* We already talked about one through ten. 11. “Being a parent is hard. Being a parent to a child with extra needs is extra hard.” And that means more challenges, but you’ll be stronger because of them. 12. Caring for your special needs child “is like a marathon”; “you don’t need to win” it—you just gotta finish. 13. Don’t let your situation change or “reshape” who you are. Remember to enjoy the “things…you enjoy.” You deserve them. 14. “Keep your sense of humor.” There’s no doubt you’re seeing some funny things. Write them down. Share them with friends—maybe in a book! 15. “Celebrate the little things!” Tomorrow, our final five. *This Parent Minute series is based on “20 Things Every Parent of Kids with Special Needs Should Hear” by Dr. Darla Clayton, Psy.D., Abilities.com
Parents of special needs kids need us.
We continue our series on 20 things every parent of special needs kids needs to hear.* We tackled one through five yesterday. According to Abilities.com: 6. “Play is therapy.” And that means sled hockey, running, throwing, and other activities are providing therapeutic benefits. Let them do those things. 7. “Make time to enjoy your kids.” It’s easy to overschedule. Read, snuggle, or talk. 8. “You will be obligated to make heart wrenching decisions.” “Know that you are doing your best” and that nobody would trade spots with you. 9. “You won’t always get it right.” 10. When you do screw up, “forgive yourself.” The common theme is we’re human. And, as Christ-followers, Christ has already forgiven us. Tomorrow, we’ll tackle 11-15. *This Parent Minute series is based on “20 Things Every Parent of Kids with Special Needs Should Hear” by Dr. Darla Clayton, Psy.D., Abilities.com
Parents of special needs kids—they need us.
Kathleen wrote to Parent Minute suggesting that we talk about raising disabled kids. Now, I’m no expert, so I got some help. According to Abilities.com,* there are 20 things that every parent of a special needs child needs to hear. 1. “You are not alone.” Find parents of special needs kids to talk to. 2. “You…deserve to be cared for.” For those of us listening, that means WE need to reach out to them and help out. 3. “You aren’t perfect—and that’s ok!” We’re going to make mistakes. God even uses our mistakes to reach our families. 4. “You are a superhero.” You do things most parents believe “are impossible.” 5. “Therapy is play.” Don’t get upset when our kids treat it as gym class. More tomorrow. *This Parent Minute series is based on “20 Things Every Parent of Kids with Special Needs Should Hear” by Dr. Darla Clayton, Psy.D., Abilities.com
Is self-esteem important?
Having a poor self-esteem is debilitating for just about anybody. For our kids, it can cause them to be afraid, refuse to try new things, and can lead to depression. But should we be worried about low self-esteem in our kids? Krista, one of our Parent Minute listeners, suggests that we focus on “Christ-esteem.” Well, let’s face it—the world has its way of labeling what’s acceptable and what’s not. But Scripture is ultimate authority. If we notice our kids lack self-esteem, we need to point them to the Word of God, which tells us that we are fearfully and wonderfully made and that we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus. Christ-esteem. God’s Word is meaningful, inspiring, and life-changing. Use it to help us mold our kids.
They’re out of control!
I love having fun. Sometimes I get kids pretty wound up, but we do have fun. There are some kids that just can’t handle that. I got a note from a mom who says, “Why are there more kids today who have no self-control, and their parents just don’t seem to care. Isn’t there any discipline anymore?” Well, I’m no expert, but I’ve lived through raising four kids. And one thing I know is that if you give some kids an inch, some kids take a mile—and then others just follow along. So, we need to be strong and consistent. If our kids push us, reel them in and remind them about respecting others. Time-outs and other discipline—important. But so is talking about sin and our need of a Savior. The important thing is not to crush a spirit, but mold a heart.
My kids hide when they’re introduced.
There are kids who love people, and there are kids who struggle. We’ve all seen them—the kids who can carry on a conversation with adults and those kids who hide behind Mom and Dad. We got a Facebook message from Jan suggesting that we talk about teaching kids how to act when they’re being introduced to adults. We all know how frustrating it is when a young person hides or just doesn’t know what to do. In most cases, it’s just a matter of practice. Make believe you’re the guest, Mom and Dad. Tell your son or daughter they need to look the adult in the eye, give them a firm handshake, introduce themselves clearly, and then excuse themselves politely when meeting new people. Teaching our kids respect can be a lifelong lesson.
Is your glass half empty—or full?
Kristen wrote in to Parent Minute asking, “How do you help a child who’s always looking at the downside of things?” Many people who know me think I’m a little that way. Why? Well, I almost ALWAYS look at the downside of things first. But then I do everything possible to change it. It doesn’t always work, but I hate it when my expectations aren’t met. I’d much rather have low expectations in a situation and have it end up better than the other way around. I typically want to know all the bad things that could happen so I’m prepared. If your son or daughter is the same, guide them through it. If they set low expectations, help them exceed those expectations. And when they do, celebrate it.
Disciplining grandkids? Who wants to do that?
Deane writes, “How involved do you get in your kids’ lives once they leave the roost? And, how do we discipline our grandchildren in line with what our kids want?” First, be as involved as your kids and grandkids want you to be. There’s nothing better than a healthy, close relationship with the ones you love. But don’t overdo it. The last thing we want to be is that person who’s greeted with an eye roll, rather than a big, smiling hug. Secondly, what grandparent wants to discipline their grandkids? Certainly not me! If discipline needs to happen—and it can wait—let Mom and Dad deal with it. Remember, you’re the GRANDPARENT. But, if your grandkids live with you, you’re really the parental figure.
Stepparenting: it’s hard.
It’s a thankless labor of love, one few adults are prepared for. Many times the adults have good intentions, but the kids want nothing to do with them. Or the kids have a real need, and the parents aren’t ready to fill the void. I’m a stepparent. I love my stepkids as my own. I fact, I don’t even use the word step in talking about my kids, who are now adults. If you’re a stepparent, here are some suggestions that I had to learn the hard way. First of all, you’ll never replace the parent’s position you’re stepping into. These kids need BOTH of you. Don’t discourage that relationship. Secondly, never speak ill of that parent. You’ll be the one they dislike. And, thirdly, you’re the outsider. Ease into the relationship—a relationship that can be amazing.