I’m afraid for my kids!
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Deuteronomy 31:6
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Joshua 1:9
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Are kids standing up to bullies?
While many schools are aware of bullying and are taking steps to stop it, it’s still happening. Heather says her son stood up for a friend who was being bullied, but nobody stood up for him when he was being bullied. How do we help our kids cope with that kind of disappointment? While it’s not easy, you can always point to Scripture. Jesus was terrorized by religious leaders of the day. Few stood up for him. Peter did when Jesus was arrested in the garden, but that was about it. On the other hand, Jesus did stand up for the woman caught in adultery and others in Scripture and was chastised for it. While it’s not easy, Jesus is the example.
But I don’t want to go to church!
What family hasn’t had to deal with this? Unfortunately, there’s no magic pill to make them want to go to church. We all know Scripture tells us it’s important in Hebrews 10 and Matthew 18. Unfortunately, if our kids don’t know Christ yet, they may not understand. The way you and I can explain it to them is that church is like a team. Each team has a lot of different players with a lot of different skills. You can tell them if your son or daughter doesn’t go, their skill is missing. But, more importantly, tell them we go to worship a Holy God in gratitude for what He’s done for us.
They didn’t make the team.
There’s nothing more difficult than to watch your son or daughter get cut from an athletic team. It happened in our family. My daughter, who LOVES volleyball and is pretty good at it, got cut from her favorite sport. It was heartbreaking. She loved it so much. She worked so hard to make it. Unfortunately, she was also cut two additional times. I was so proud of her for trying each year—heartbroken for her disappointment, though. When this happens, you and I can only be there for them. My daughter really didn’t want me to do anything—just listen. I hugged her. I told her I was proud of her effort and listened some more. Then quoted Psalm 42:11: “Why are you cast down…why are you in turmoil…? Hope in God” (ESV).
What a mess!
Are you a messy? Sometimes I am, but I don’t like it. Hope asked me on Facebook, “How can we encourage our kids to keep their rooms clean?” I think that’s a great question. Some kids just don’t think it’s an important part of life. Others—they can’t stand living in a mess! So the first thing you need to do is figure out how your kids are wired and then set up a plan just for them. Mess doesn’t seem to bother my daughter, so we created incentives just to get it clean. For example, she can’t do anything fun until her room’s clean. When she was younger, she’d get an allowance if ALL of her tasks were completed during the week. Starting early helps build a good work ethic.
"Everybody gets a trophy." Huh?
When I was growing up, there were clear winners and losers. I played Little League. When I first tried out, I wasn’t good enough; I didn’t make it. I got stuck in the minor league. It was terrible. But I worked hard and made the team the next year. And that team made the play-offs and beat an undefeated team to be champions. If the team that we’d beaten in Little League had gotten the same prize we did, I don’t think I would have been very happy. Today, many of our kids get trophies or metals for just participating. What’s that teaching them? Today, these kids—now adults—don’t know how to deal with defeat. We need to let our kids fail. It’s okay. It builds character.
I lost my job. How will I tell my family?
This is devastating. When this happens to us, you and I can’t help but experience the obvious—sadness, anger, frustration, fear, and self-doubt. We feel like failures. As Christians, we need to make sure we don’t forget that God’s in control. We have the head knowledge, but do our actions match? The question is: how do we tell our kids? First, we need to make sure we’re honest. But then, help them understand that this is a hard time for everybody. Finally, make sure God is our focus and that our kids participate in praying for the situation. While it’s okay for them to see you afraid, it’s important that they also see you have victory over it.
Our family’s moving. How do I help my kids?
These are defining moments for our kids. I remember when I uprooted my family after living our whole lives in the same area. Leading up to the move, we were all pretty scared. Now, 20 years later, we can’t imagine ever moving back. Here’s how you can help your kids. First, you need to ask your kids if they believe that God’s in control. Then ask, “Well, if He’s in control, is He in control of our moving?” Then, follow up with, “While it’s difficult not knowing what He has planned, can we trust that He knows what He’s doing?” Then encourage your kids to start looking for moments when God appears to be working things out—new friends, home, church. Then, celebrate them.
My neighbor’s going to prison.
Have you had to deal with this? I have. It wasn’t a neighbor; it was a trusted friend. What happens when the police come and take the father of your child’s best friend away to jail? This isn’t easy. First, it’s important for you and I to find out why, so we can carefully explain what happened. No, our kids don’t need to know everything, just enough to know how to help their friend. As a believer in Christ, it is also important that we tell our kids that God still loves the offender, and, if they’re a follower of Christ, Jesus has already forgiven them. Then, make sure they don’t abandon their friend. They need each other more than ever.
Our kids are pushing the limits.
I think God uses these moments to start preparing us to let our kids go. But does it have to start so early? A Parent Minute listener is asking, “What do I do when my 11-year-old son complains that I always tell him what to do?” I said the obvious, “Parents are supposed to tell their kids what to do, aren’t they?” Then I got to thinking—what if we’re always telling them what to do? Is that teaching them how to reason, work out problems, or deal with conflict? Or is it forcing them to fit into our way of thinking and not allowing them to grow? Well, I think every kid is different, but the Bible is clear in Ephesians 6:1: “Children, do what your parents tell you” (The Message). It’s really the only verse with a promise.
Teaching respect is more than words.
I saw a beautiful thing this week. My family was visiting the home of a dear friend. She has an 18-month-old daughter who can barely talk, but already she’s been taught how to respect people. When we came in the house, she reached out to shake our hands, and she said what sounded like, “Pleased to meet you.” When her older brother was teasing her, she said, “Stop, please.” When I finished reading her a book, she said, “Thank you.” How was this happening at 18 months old? Mom practiced and practiced and practiced. Respecting adults, not just parents, is a learned behavior. If we don’t respect adults, how will they? And if we’re not respecting our kids, how will they learn that respect is just good behavior?