Give gifts to our kids.
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Matthew 7:7-11
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Is it possible to have too many toys?
Remember the rich young ruler in the Bible? He asked Jesus, “What do I have to do to be saved?” Jesus was emphatic—He said, “Sell all your possessions and give to the poor and follow me.” Well, the rich young ruler couldn’t do it. He had too much stuff, and he didn’t want to give it all away. Is that you? Are you a good or a bad example to your kids? The Bible tells us the young man went away sad—not in spite of his great wealth, but sad because of it. He was owned by his things. Things aren’t evil if we use them for God. But it’s too easy for our things to become chains. All “our” things are God’s. Tell your kids that. Be generous. Because, if we don’t, we’re teaching our kids to be chained to things rather than Christ.
Do you expect good or bad things from your kids?
In your parenting, do you find yourself generally expecting your kids to behave poorly? Do you assume the worst? Or do you assume that they’ll do well and are actually surprised and saddened when they fail to do their best? In 1 Corinthians 13:5 & 7, Paul tells us that true love “keeps no record of wrongs. . . .It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres” (NIV). When God loves you and me, He wholeheartedly expects the best from us, His beloved children. We should do the same. Not only is this right—it works. Kids generally rise to meet our expectations. Deep down they want to please us. So, aim high!
Palm Sunday, God keeps His promises.
Palm Sunday can feel like just another church tradition to kids, but it's proof that God keeps His promises. Hundreds of years before Jesus was born, the prophet Zechariah wrote, "See your king comes to you, gentle and riding on a donkey." When Jesus entered Jerusalem on a donkey while crowds waved palm branches, He wasn't improvising. He was fulfilling prophecy exactly. God planned salvation long before anyone saw it happening. Every detail proves Jesus is the Promised Savior. At home, read Zechariah 9 with your kids, then read the Palm Sunday story in Matthew 21. Let them see the connection for themselves. Faith grows when kids realize the Bible isn't random stories. It's one true story written by God.
Are you keeping score?
Picture this. You get home from work. Your kids didn’t take care of the dishes, forgot to take their laundry to their room, and left crumbs in your La-Z-Boy. What?! They didn’t do their homework, either? Well, now you’re really ticked. You’re going over and over in your head what you’re going to say to them when they walk in the front door. It’s tempting to do what I’ve done. You go over each failure with them, one by one—with each one getting more intense—until, finally, they’re feeling attacked and discouraged, and you’re loud and out of control. What works better? Find something positive; tell them. Then, point out what they missed. Assume the best, not the worst. Should there be consequences? Of course. But only after they know you still love them. Scripture to help? Check out Proverbs 4:20-22 and Proverbs 16:24.
Want to know what your kids hate?
I asked one what they disliked most about their parents. First, she said, “Well, I like my parents.” Then she said, “But it does drive me crazy when they tell me we’re going to do something like go to an amusement park, but, then, the rest of the week, they threaten to take it away from me every time I turn around.” Parents, how would you like it if your boss offered you a three-day weekend, then, at every little misstep, he threatened to renege? Are there options? Of course. Discipline in proportion to the crime. There may be times to take something like that away—but not for an honest mistake that they feel bad about. Add a chore or something. Ephesians 6:4: “Fathers, do not exasperate your children” (NIV).
Planning a wedding. . .or a marriage?
There sure are a lot of TV shows about weddings out there: Say Yes to the Dress, Married by Mom and Dad, Bridezilla, 90 Day Fiancé, etc. It seems weddings are on the brain these days. People spend thousands of dollars to put on a “good wedding.” But roughly one out of every two marriages ends in divorce. That leads me to an obvious question. What if we spent an equal amount of time, money, and effort trying to make the marriage work as we spend on impressing people with the ceremony? After all, training couples in marriage will give them the tools they need to last a lifetime, which is a lot more important than impressing our family and friends with an extravagant, expensive wedding that’s here today and gone tomorrow.
Are you a frustrated single parent?
If it’s any consolation, I’ve been a married frustrated parent when it comes to my kids. But, if you’re single and you’re facing these kids by yourself, my heart goes out to you. In a marriage, you’ve got backup. If I blow it, I know my wife is generally there to pick up the pieces. What’s my suggestion to single parents? Find backup. It can be a trusted friend, a youth leader, a relative—somebody who can speak truth to you AND to your kids. Let’s face it. We all need to hear truth spoken to us regularly, especially when we let in Satan’s deception. While it’s difficult being a single parent, prayer is a great tool. God loves you, and He’s going to help you raise your kids as you earnestly cry out to Him.
Would you invite evil into your home?
When we’re tempted by the enemy to disobey God, it’s helpful to consider our individual sins’ impact on our entire families. Like a stack of dominoes, my failure can lead to difficult temptations for my family. When we’re getting hammered by the enemy, so are our kids. Even though our kids are now adults, it seems to affect them, too. What can help in those tough times is to pray for our kids and to encourage them to pray for us, too. Frequently, that’s what it takes to lift the heavy cloud of sin and doubt. It’s been said that our enemy’s greatest fear is to see Christians on their knees in prayer. Parents, fight the good fight—not only for yourself, but for your dear kids. “The Lord is near to all who call on him” (Psalm 145:18 ESV).
The best thing you can do is love your spouse.
Do you want to have an impact on your child for a lifetime—something that’ll live with them forever? According to children who were interviewed by researchers at a university recently, they said parents who love each other were at the top of their list of people they admired. Spouses agreed. Those interviewed who saw themselves as successful parents were those who had strong, loving marriages1. One woman in the research said, “If my relationship with my husband isn’t happy and solid. . .that impacts pretty much everything else I do.” Well, if that’s the case, make sure you’re focused on your marriage. Not only will it be great for your relationship—your kids will model it when they have kids. 1 Dr. Justin Coulson, “Why loving your partner is the most important thing parents can do for their kids”
Is your praise positive?
If you have a son or daughter who’s an athlete, it’s easy to turn into a coach, especially if you played the game when you were younger. I fall into this trap after just about every game. I tell my daughter how well she did—then I immediately start coaching her. Frankly, Mom and Dad, kids don’t want to hear it. And, really, you shouldn’t offer it unless they ask. How would you like it if your wife came to you after a date and said, “Honey, I love how you treated me when we went out for dinner, but could you hold my hand just a little longer?” Or, “Hon, I’m so proud of you, but you should have tipped more.” 1 Thessalonians 5:11 tells us to “encourage each other and build each other up” (NLT). Sometimes we’re building up; then, immediately, we tear down.