Racism is serious, and roots are deep.
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Romans 10:9-10
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Tattoos are in—I want one.
I don’t know how you feel about tattoos, but I don’t like them. Other people can have them, that’s fine. But for me, I just couldn’t mark up my skin with something I’ll probably get sick of in just a couple of weeks. Teens are getting them left and right these days—some of them will prevent them from getting good jobs or cast that bad-boy or bad-girl image. While they’re in NOW, they may not be 10 or 15 years from now. Our rules? No tattoos and (other than pierced earlobes) no piercings while living under our roof. No, they’re not sinful by themselves (although they can be), but for our family, it gave our kids time to mature—needed when creating something they’ll have to live with for the rest of their lives.
My wife and daughter fight all the time.
An 18-year-old daughter was acting entitled. On top of it, she was treating everyone in the family as peons. While Dad was away on a business trip, it all hit the fan. So, when he got home, he turned her world upside down. With a broken heart, he told her she now was required to pay for her phone, insurance—everything. And when she graduated from high school, she had to find her own apartment. Rather than getting angry, she realized her sin and emotionally confessed. But Dad did something unthinkable. He said, “Words are great, but go about your life prepared to do all we talked about. It’s good training.” With a twinkle in his eye, he looked at me and said, “I can’t wait to show her grace and mercy.”
Racism can tear a community apart.
As a white man, it’s difficult for me to talk about racism. But as I sit and watch TV or visit communities, it tears me up to see racism in any situation. Worse, it’s difficult watching it in the church. As parents, we can do a lot to teach our kids to love the diverse peoples that God created. As I’ve traveled the globe the last 20+ years, I’ve come to adore the warmth of the African culture, the hospitality of Middle Easterners, the joy of the Haitians, and the pride of the Jewish people. To think Americans are made of literally ALL of these—a melting pot of cultures. The fact is we’re really one race, pointing us all back to Adam and Eve. What are we teaching our kids?
My daughter’s friend is Muslim.
BetsyJo writes, “My daughter’s best friend is being raised in a Muslim family. My daughter is sad because her friend doesn't believe in Jesus. Any advice on what to do?” Our schools today are multicultural. As more and more people immigrate to the United States, the world is coming to us. The question is, “What are we doing to reach them?” Frankly, it can start with our kids. Who are the best people to reach Tanzanians? Tanzanians, right? Who better to reach kids than kids? But we need to train our kiddos to be salt and light—not pulpit-pounding preachers, but people who love people. Jesus was called a friend of sinners for a reason—He loved them—but told them the truth. Our kids can do the same.
We’re just not talking anymore.
Are you finding that your kids spend more time in their room than with you? You know you don’t have to let them do that, right? I know, it’s easier to let them stay there and avoid conflict. But guess what? They need to be out of there talking to you. Make them come out of their room and maybe play some board games or video games. The goal is to create an environment where they open up, and you can share your lives together. It’s not their first choice, but it’s something that they’ll look back on and remember fondly as adults. Make it fun—full of laughter. Let your life be a letter of Christ to your kids. Those lived-out letters will be delivered years down the road.
I’m not a parent, but I love kids!
I have two sisters who have been amazing influences on my kids. I also have friends who never had children of their own, but they, too, have been God-given gifts to young people in our church, or their nieces and nephews. Beth from Arizona isn’t a mom or grandma, but she told me that she’s seen in her own family the tremendous “spiritual, intellectual and developmental impact on” kids in her family. Sometimes as aunts or uncles reinforce something we’re trying to teach our kids, it has more of an impact because it’s coming from somebody other than us. We as parents can “actually leverage these types of relationships to enrich our kids’ lives,” as Beth says—and help them grow in Christ.
It’s time for devotions—just do it!
As Christian parents, who DOESN’T want their kids to be in God’s Word? We WANT to lead our kids in devotions, but kids usually don’t want any part of it. It gets in the way of “fun,” right? Cara asks, “How do I help my kids grow in their personal walk with the Lord without it being a legalistic ‘have to’ read your Bible time?” Family devotions need to be a regular time of being together—not legalistic, just routine. That’s a good pattern and example to set. Personal time in the Word? Challenge them. If a school friend offends them and they’re trying to figure out what to do, say, “I wonder what the Bible says about that? Why don’t you Google it?” Just being on technology may be inspiration enough. The daily Keys for Kids devotional is an easy way to spend time in God's Word with your family every day. Sign up for a free, one year subscription at https://www.keysforkids.org/subscribe
My kid’s always in trouble!
Do you know the difference between punishment and discipline? Yeah, it’s obvious, but the reality is a lot of us parents PUNISH and aren’t actively disciplining our kids. For example, if our son or daughter skips school for the tenth time, out of anger and frustration some of us will look at ways to inflict pain on our teen’s life to “get back” at them, rather than help them feel the weight of their decision and give them a way of redemption, which really is the gospel. Don’t worry. A lot of us have fallen into that trap of “punishment,” which according to Chip Ingram can push our kids to resentment, guilt, shame, bitterness, fear, and more. While the rod and correction are biblical, so are love and restoration. 1Based on “Punishment Versus Discipline” by Chip Ingram, FocusontheFamily.com
Today’s fashions are frustrating. What’s the answer?
I empathize with you. Some of our biggest disagreements with our kids came over clothing. My personal frustration—leggings. Now, I know that women wear them modestly with long sweaters, and that’s okay. But I realize fashion is always a personal choice. And I hope that our choices will be biblically based. Dawn Wilson writes for Crosswalk.com and encourages us to ask1: • “Does my clothing illustrate my surrender to the Lord”? • “Have I focused on my heart, or only my wardrobe?” • Are my clothes “consistent with transformed thinking”? • “Am I practicing modesty”? • “Do I dress with dignity and strength?” “Yes” to these questions can help avoid conflict. 1“7 Things the Bible Says about Your Clothes” by Dawn Wilson, Crosswalk.com
Your kids don’t want to go to church?
Katy says, “We go to Awana and my son does not like memorizing scripture. I think he feels inferior to all the kids that are just rattling off the paragraphs. We talk about hiding God’s word in our heart and he does love reading his Bible, but does not want to even try to memorize even easy verses. It makes him not even want to go Awana.” Memorizing isn’t everybody’s gift. That’s what makes this one hard. Try this. Have him read a simple verse 10 times in a row, like writing spelling words. Then have him put his Bible away. When he comes back repeat the verse—but then say it wrong…or maybe forget the words. Chances are he’s going to correct you. Then praise him for memorizing so well. Catch our kids doing great things. It can be life-changing.