"Everybody gets a trophy." Huh?
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Isaiah 40:29
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I lost my job. How will I tell my family?
This is devastating. When this happens to us, you and I can’t help but experience the obvious—sadness, anger, frustration, fear, and self-doubt. We feel like failures. As Christians, we need to make sure we don’t forget that God’s in control. We have the head knowledge, but do our actions match? The question is: how do we tell our kids? First, we need to make sure we’re honest. But then, help them understand that this is a hard time for everybody. Finally, make sure God is our focus and that our kids participate in praying for the situation. While it’s okay for them to see you afraid, it’s important that they also see you have victory over it.
Our family’s moving. How do I help my kids?
These are defining moments for our kids. I remember when I uprooted my family after living our whole lives in the same area. Leading up to the move, we were all pretty scared. Now, 20 years later, we can’t imagine ever moving back. Here’s how you can help your kids. First, you need to ask your kids if they believe that God’s in control. Then ask, “Well, if He’s in control, is He in control of our moving?” Then, follow up with, “While it’s difficult not knowing what He has planned, can we trust that He knows what He’s doing?” Then encourage your kids to start looking for moments when God appears to be working things out—new friends, home, church. Then, celebrate them.
My neighbor’s going to prison.
Have you had to deal with this? I have. It wasn’t a neighbor; it was a trusted friend. What happens when the police come and take the father of your child’s best friend away to jail? This isn’t easy. First, it’s important for you and I to find out why, so we can carefully explain what happened. No, our kids don’t need to know everything, just enough to know how to help their friend. As a believer in Christ, it is also important that we tell our kids that God still loves the offender, and, if they’re a follower of Christ, Jesus has already forgiven them. Then, make sure they don’t abandon their friend. They need each other more than ever.
Our kids are pushing the limits.
I think God uses these moments to start preparing us to let our kids go. But does it have to start so early? A Parent Minute listener is asking, “What do I do when my 11-year-old son complains that I always tell him what to do?” I said the obvious, “Parents are supposed to tell their kids what to do, aren’t they?” Then I got to thinking—what if we’re always telling them what to do? Is that teaching them how to reason, work out problems, or deal with conflict? Or is it forcing them to fit into our way of thinking and not allowing them to grow? Well, I think every kid is different, but the Bible is clear in Ephesians 6:1: “Children, do what your parents tell you” (The Message). It’s really the only verse with a promise.
Teaching respect is more than words.
I saw a beautiful thing this week. My family was visiting the home of a dear friend. She has an 18-month-old daughter who can barely talk, but already she’s been taught how to respect people. When we came in the house, she reached out to shake our hands, and she said what sounded like, “Pleased to meet you.” When her older brother was teasing her, she said, “Stop, please.” When I finished reading her a book, she said, “Thank you.” How was this happening at 18 months old? Mom practiced and practiced and practiced. Respecting adults, not just parents, is a learned behavior. If we don’t respect adults, how will they? And if we’re not respecting our kids, how will they learn that respect is just good behavior?
Men, put on your big-boy pants.
What’s your family makeup like? Does Dad lead the home, or is it Mom? There are some jokes out there that men like to tell: “I always get the last word in my family—yes, dear.” Or, “I’m the head of our household, but my wife’s the neck that turns it.” Or, “I wear the pants in our family, but my wife tells me which ones to wear.” Guys, have you ever thought that the only reason that’s the case is because we’re lazy, and they’re picking up the slack for our apathy? We need to be MORE involved in our family’s lives. We can’t be afraid of conflict—we’ve got to be Ephesians 5:23 leaders. If we abandon our responsibility, how will our kids see what God intends for our families?
I need to distract my grandkids.
We’ve been talking about our grandkids the last couple of days. Many grandparents struggle with how to distract their grandkids from their smartphones or mobile devices. Games and mobile interaction are a distraction for our grandkids. Bribes work for a while. Having rules about where you can and can’t use them are important—like no electronics at the dinner table or other together time. But, you can also introduce them to games you used to play, like checkers or chess on a game board, may intrigue this new generation. Or, digging out an old toy—something that will prick their interest. As you do, you’re creating memories that will last a lifetime—maybe even life-changing discussions. They may not appreciate it now, but they will.
My grandkids are rolling their eyes again.
Yesterday I mentioned that, according to Barna research, 70% of our kids are dropping out of church when they graduate from high school. While many return, many don’t. As they get married and our grandkids are born and grow, how do we share Christ in a hostile environment? We were talking about sharing Christ with the little ones yesterday, which is easier. Teenagers are another story. You’ve got to talk to them by example and through subtle words. As opportunities come up say things like, “Isn’t it amazing how God’s creation shows who He is?” Or, “I’ll be praying God helps you recall what you’ve learned during your test tomorrow.” While they may roll their eyes, sometimes the little things we say can provide opportunities for longer discussions. Share the Unlocked teen devotional with teens in your life: https://unlocked.org
Speaking truth to our grandkids?
Some of the most heartbreaking stories I hear are about kids who abandon the faith. According to Barna research, about 70% of young people drop out of the church once they graduate from high school. While it’s troubling, I don’t have time to dive into that statistic today, but I do want to talk about how we as grandparents can talk to their kids—our grandkids—about Christ. Sometimes it’s difficult. But it’s a lot easier when they’re young. When they’re visiting, read Keys for Kids devotional stories or stories from Scripture. When you see sin, point it out as such and explain how God views it and what our response should be. 1 Peter 3 says always be ready to share Christ with gentleness and respect. Read the Keys for Kids devotional with your family: https://www.keysforkids.org/devotional
Do we point out our own failures?
The only thing worse than public failure is failure in front of our kids. Question, Mom or Dad—do we admit when we’re wrong in FRONT of our kids? When we don’t, it seems like we’re teaching our kids that we don’t have to admit our failures. And, ultimately, are we telling them that we don’t have to confess our sins? Well, daily we see individuals who clearly make mistakes, but either blame others or their circumstances, rather than themselves. Proverbs 28:13 is clear: “Whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy” (ESV). When we humble ourselves in front of our kids, confessing faults becomes normal, which provides us as parents opportunities to speak salvation’s message to our kids.