Do you think it’s sinking in?
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Ephesians 2:4-5
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Is homework a painstaking chore?
Homework. I hated it when I was a kid, and I don’t like it much now, either. Especially math. Now, as a dad, I’ve always wanted my kids to know that I’m there for them any time they need my help. But have you ever been the focus of your child’s anger and frustration about their homework? I have. One of my kids thought it was okay to lose their temper—at ME—the guy who was trying to help them out. Seriously? Isn’t that what we do when we question God, though? Don’t let it go. Lovingly confront, explain how you think they’re feeling, explain your feelings, and remind them that they’re sinning and they need a Savior. Most kids will feel remorse and change. But, be patient because, sometimes, it takes a while.
Do our kids do more laughing or crying?
There’s nothing more infectious than a 2-year-old laughing so hard they can hardly contain themselves. You’ve seen the videos on YouTube, right? I was speaking in a church recently, and outside the sanctuary was this little boy laughing hysterically. You couldn’t help but look over at him and laugh along with him. It went on for some time. But then somebody said, “It’s getting a little out of hand.” To which I said, “Well, would you rather have him laughing or crying?” We both agreed—laughing. How about our homes? Do our kids laugh or cry more? Unfortunately, many Christian homes are more concerned with obeying the “rules” than making their home happy. That’s not to say you should ignore Biblical morality, but, as in anything else, it’s all in how you enforce those rules or lovingly guide.
How to teach boys to become men
What does a real man look like? There’s the Arnold Schwarzenegger type of character who blasts his way through challenges in life with raw guts, strength, and guns. Then there’s the touchy-feely-type of man—totally lacking in confidence, afraid to move out with courage. We find balance in looking at Jesus Christ, a man who could cry and show emotions but who could also show incredible courage and leadership. He drew strength from an intimate relationship with His heavenly Father. We need to teach our boys that real strength as men doesn’t come from ourselves either—but from a closeness with Christ. Our sons will see our imperfect—but hopefully growing—example of this as we walk daily with our Lord. 1 Corinthians 16:13-14 tells us how: “Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong. Let all that you do be done in love” (ESV).
They’re just going through a little stage.
It’s pretty tempting when our son or daughter isn’t behaving very well. What we really by that is that we’re hoping the problem will correct itself—it’s no big deal. We may not want to say that, though. These little “stages” our kids go through can really be the start of a bigger problem that should be nipped in the bud. When you sense your child is “a little off,” and it continues for more than a day or so, it’s time to do something. No matter what it is, spend some time with them. Talk about it. Are they angry? Have they been wronged? God’s Word can help. After all, it’s responsible “for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, and for instruction” (2 Timothy 3:16 KJV).
Even good kids need God’s grace.
Do you have that “perfect” child? I don’t either. But, seriously, do you have that one who requires the absolute minimum of parental input? My oldest daughter was like that. She was a great student, responsible, and respectful. No matter how good they are, they are sinners, too. Chances are their desire to be perfect grows out of their need to earn acceptance and love. My daughter struggled with loneliness, insecurity, and struggled with her faith, too. As parents, we’ve got to make it a priority to spend time with these “perfect” kids, get to know their hearts, teach them about grace, and show them that we’re so proud of who they are. Proverbs 9:10 says, “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom: and the knowledge of the holy is understanding” (KJV).
Do your kids practice?
My youngest daughter Anastasia has always been a pretty good athlete. Just about everything she touched athletically, she was pretty good at. But, just like everything else, if you don’t practice—well, you know what happens. Anastasia was a natural basketball player, but she wouldn’t practice. She shook it off, telling me she was already pretty good at it. I warned her that if she didn’t practice the girls would pass her by. Well, that happened around the 8th grade. And it’s been a struggle ever since. Parents, encouraging your kids to practice isn’t just great for the sport or instrument that they’re playing—it provides great lessons in life. Dedication to practice not only helps our kids learn a good work ethic, but that same dedication is needed to help mold a child’s devotional life. You can get a free kids’ devotional at our website: https://www.keysforkids.org/getkeys/
Don’t touch that personality!
We as parents need to influence the behavior and character traits of our kids. But personality, well, that’s different. For example, my youngest daughter—she is a planner. She’s got to know what’s going on. She also is a little sarcastic. (Not sure where she got that from.) My middle daughter is a giver. She pulls for the underdog. My oldest daughter—a perfectionist. If you want something done right, she’s going to do it. My son—Mr. Loyalty. Obviously, good qualities taken too far need to be reined in. But basic personality isn’t evil. As somebody said, personality is sacred—because it bears the fingerprints of God Himself. Job says it best, though, “The Spirit of God has made me, and the breath of the Almighty gives me life” (Job 33:4 ESV).
Are you building or tearing down?
It seems like every family has at least one kid that’s a challenge. How did I handle it? Sometimes poorly. While the experts say it’s important to point out the positives in our kids, when you’re mad, it isn’t easy, is it? “The key is to remain calm and not respond with a knee-jerk reaction,” demeaning our kids. Here are some tips to help. First, “change your perspective. If you can think a little differently, you probably won't get as mad when your kids try to push our buttons." Second, figure out how you’re feeling. When you do, it could provide “the guidance you need to give your child.” “Pause, breathe, [and] think”—just modeling that for our kids when we get ticked will help. And, stop worrying. God’s got this, right? He’s in control. Remember James 1:20: “for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God” (ESV).
Do your parents need parents?
As your parents head into the twilight of their lives, are you finding that you’re not just parenting your kids—but your parents, too? I have friends who are looking at caring for their mom and dad. If you’re considering it, ask these questions (from an article by Sarah J. Stevenson): Can I physically do it? “Do I have…support?” “Will I be able to make time for myself and my family?” “How will [this] affect my physical and mental health?” Am I willing to get help? Can I handle it financially? Can I “cut back on work responsibilities”? If you have a parent with dementia, can you handle “the hurtful words” that come with that? “Being a full-time caregiver can affect” every part of your life, Stevenson notes. But, it can be a blessing, too. Exodus 20:12: “ ‘Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you’ ” (ESV).
The death of a friend or loved one can be devastating.
Mourning the loss of a close relative or friend can be really difficult. Even though it’s been more than 20 years, my wife still struggles with Valentine’s Day week. That’s when my mother-in-law passed away. While we know she’s with God, that absence is real. Question: how are you handling death in front of your kids or grandkids? While it’s sad, God’s promises are true: “to be absent from the body” is “to be present with the Lord” (2 Corinthians 5:8 KJV). Apart from Christ, that’s not possible. As parents, through our pain, remind them that our tears are because we miss them. But, the smile through our tears is knowing there’s a Father who’s already caring for them.